The question that shocks! “Are you a homosexual?”

 I was on my way to a friend’s house to ask for her camera when I came across a female acquaintance of mine from school. She was doing something only ladies know how to do best: getting hair done at  a saloon. Ever the gentleman, I walked to this harem and greeted the entire fold before engaging in some midday banter with my friend. I asked her why she didn’t invite me to the saloon and a shade of surprise appeared on her face. She then asked me if I was a homosexual. And I wondered what the hell?

                Since the publication of a list of supposed Cameroonian homosexuals made headlines in 2006, homosexuality has become a subject of conversation amongst Cameroonians. However the absence of a public and open debate about the issue not forgetting an openly gay individual has left Cameroonians without a rather vague understanding of the entire situation of homosexuality. Consequently people concoct their own definitions based on the sparse information culled from popular legends about the concept. In this foray of confusion and coupled with the machocentricity of our society, some people find accusing fingers pointed at them. The some people here are metrosexuals. 

            The Oxford Advanced Learners’ Dictionary defines a metrosexual and I am quoting ‘as a heterosexual man who lives in a city and is interested in things like fashion and shopping.’ You must have noticed that the word ‘heterosexual’ is coloured blue, that is because it is so coloured in the dictionary. But generally speaking, metrosexuals are defined as heterosexuals who HAPPEN to have feminine tastes like fashion, shopping, manicures, pedicures, wearing earrings and grooming. Despite this unambiguous indication that metrosexuality has nothing to do with one’s sexual orientation, it is not uncommon for metrosexuals to be the target of homophobic jabs and curiosity. A lazy explanation for this can be the redundant machoness of our society and the  underconsideration of anything feminine. But no, that is the lazy explanation. Think about it for while and you might stumble on this explanation. The synonymy between metrosexuality and homosexuality in our society results from the our unassuaged voyeurism with regards to homosexuals. We don’t condone homosexuality yes but we do want to put a face to this orientation and until this fantasy of our common sub conscientiousness is fulfilled, the cheapest, most available and tangible replacement is the metrosexual. To most, metrosexuals are deputising for homosexuals and until the latter dare show their faces in public, the former will just to bear the brunt of our society’s curiosity, prejudices and homophobic regards. 

                   Where does all this leave metrosexuals? Well, it can instill fear. it can lead to self – censorship. But from what I see, African and Cameroonian metrosexuals aren’t afraid to explore their feminine side despite the odds stacked against them.  

Back in church..........years later

 Talk of a prodigal son. I recently went to two churches twice in two days after what I imagine is a ......long, long hiatus. After spending my early and formative years in the church’s bosom, classes 1 to 6 - C.B.C Musang - and Forms 3 to 5 -Baptist High School, Mankon - you and I would expect more of me but then what can I say?

               So on Friday the 22^nd of June 2013 I was in the Catholic Church just behind the U.B. Faculty of Science and on Saturday the 23^rd of June 2013, I was in St Anthony’s Catholic Church, Njinikom. O’boy was I lost for words, reflexes, reactions and you name it. I didn’t know when to stand up and when not to. I didn’t know when they were praying and I didn’t know the responses to entreaties from the pulpit. I was completely out of sync.  Sure part of my helplessness was due to the newness of the church, it is Catholic and I am Baptist by default and passion, but part of it was also due to the long absence. Whatever the case, I survived this new meeting with this old acquaintance and walked away with a few observations I find worthy of note. 

       (1) The church has CHAnged, if the Catholic Church is considered as representative of all churches. My childhood memories of the church at Musang Baptist Church are filled with church attendees tiptoeing into church upon arriving late, afraid of striding into church with their iron-clad heels clanging on the floor and distracting the church. Some persons even elders caught dozing was asked to move to the back of the church and stand still the sleep died away. Church attendees now walk in and out of church more freely, people stand, stroll in church recording the service with their Ipads, Iphones and camera without fear of reproach. Simply put, the church as I saw it recently has shed its conservative ways and has assumed a more liberal and flexible posture. It has changed even if just superficially to accommodate the new breed of educated Bible and gadget carrying attendees strolling and riding into its premises.

                   (2)The wind of Pentecostalism is blowing even in mainstream churches. Maybe it has been caused by the constant losses to Pentecostal churches, it’s hard to tell but mainstream multinational churches like the Catholic Church have been forced to rediscover the Pentecostal customs of their former years. Ever heard of Christian charismatic movement? All I knew about this movement until recently was that it is Catholic and mostly attended by women. But during the Saturday mass I attended, I think I saw its manifestation. While the mass was being celebrated, I noticed one woman who walked through the church at irregular intervals muttering the name of Christ, rubbing the rosary she held under her Bible. I felt like thinking she was mentally challenged but she didn’t look so and I had noticed her conversing sanely with people. Since her actions didn’t seem to attract any strange looks, I concluded she is a church regular and her actions were sanctioned by church officials. 

   

      (3) The smell of the traditional doctor’s  incense in church. Was it me or was the odour I picked up not the same one that always filled the room of the traditional doctor I was taken? At the start of the service, I was hit by a certain smell from the smoke oozing from the thurible. I am not saying anything I am not saying. I am just saying that it seems strange that two ideological enemies could be resorting to the same fireworks to liven their respective games. Just saying.

         (4) CATHOLICS are still so CATHOLIC. Thousands of years after Christ came with the New Testament and said what he said about salvation, Catholics still believe sins can be forgiven post-mortem. How Catholic of them Catholics.

The best place to go and die

Hitherto considered as sanctuaries and perfect destinations for those seeking relief, they have recently become the best place to go and die, after you must have paid that is.  

                A few months ago, a good friend of mine precautionarily went to a state –run health facility here in Buea for consultation: Note, I didn’t call names, I simply said ‘state-run health facility’. He was uncomfortable with the unexplained peeling of skin on his feet. The lady who received him prescribed him some drugs which he dutifully bought and starting taking as soon as he got home. But to his greatest dismay, he started having a thumping sensation in his head as if he was having 1000 headaches simultaneously. He sought the opinion of my junior brother who is M.sc Microbiology student, so somewhat capable of understanding the purpose of some ingredients that go into manufacturing drugs. After reading the leaflet, my junior brother told him he had reservations about the appropriately of that drug for my friend. Unfortunately my friend understandably brushed aside my junior brother’s fears, after he wasn’t no doctor, was he? That evening again, my friend took the drug again before going to bed and by the next morning the symptoms he complained of earlier had worsened. He rushed to the hospital and met different health personnel on seat. Note that I have decided to say health personnel because I am finding it hard to believe those he met were actually 5 years+ formally trained doctors. After he unscrolled his situation, the man in question asked him who and where the drugs had he taking been prescribed. My friend was shocked and to be shocked even further as the health personnel told him he had been prescribed drugs meant for high-blood patients. I would have given you the name of the drug but when I called my friend yesterday to find out before writing this post, he asked me if I asking about the drug that almost killed him and said he had thrown away that particular hospital booklet.

                           You may be tempted to think situations such as above only occur in small, rurally - set health-dispensing structures but no. our so-called reference and big hospitals aren’t any different. Remember the Vanessa Tchatchou saga at the Yaounde Gynaeco-Obstetrics and Paediatrics Hospital where a teenage mother’s baby was stolen from the incubator. Even the dead aren’t safe in our hospital units. Remember the October 2012 scandal at the Laquintinie Hospital in Douala where mortuary attendants were suspended after the corpse of a student Franck Nguekam had been mutilated. Sure these are isolated incidents and somebody would ask why we are quick to headline the shortcomings of health workers and only whisper their exploits and they’d be right. Unfortunately we must not wait for the whole village to die before we have an inquisitorial and why not prosecutorial interest in the output of our health workers and institutions.

                         The under- the- par nature of our health service are sure the result of our ‘developing’ status but not everything can be blamed on it. That said, what options are patients left with in the face of the increasing unreliability of health care providers? Traditional doctors? Those folk aren’t any better and have become a hideout for scoundrels. Religious healers? Our science – oriented society bids us otherwise. So it seems that the best option in the face of conjuring, silver-minded and poorly-trained health care providers as well as infrastructure - deprived health care institutions is stay at home and self medicate when sick? Unfortunately our ever so unreliable reason won't let us go down this path. So the next time you’re sick, you’ll just have to go to the best place for dying: hospitals. You’ll just have to take your life and leave it in the hands of a guess doctor and his/her artistic nurse. You’ll just have to hope they’re giving you the right drug. And in case you still die, you’ll just have to pray the mortuary attendant isn’t the best human spare part dealer.

P/S: Did say I even mission hospitals aren’t left out?

Introducing LOL: THE BOYBAND from Cameroon

After X Maleya's success signaled the rise and rise of boybands in Cameroon, here come LOL. The  four man crew is made up of Cyrus, Slims Beats, Young Bird and Leslo. With their eyes firmly set on showcasing their talent on the world stage, the band dropped a few singles to much acclaim. Some of their tracks include 'Njoka' and 'Girl no bad'. The Best Music - signed band recently performed at major events like FIAFA 2013 and the Miss Seme 2013. Their hit 'Njoka' can be enjoyed right here.

Once upon a time there lived a man.....Iya Mohammed

Iya Mohammed and his arrest have made headlines this week in the Cameroonian media and in public debate. The current President of the Cameroonian Football Federation was arrested after the Indomitable Lions of Cameroon suffered a 2-0 defeat to the Sparrow Hawks of Togo in the build up to the AFCON 2015 and World Cup 2014 qualifies in Africa. His long-awaited arrest is related to his alleged embezzlement at cotton company SODECOTON where he is General Manager. Much has been said and will continue to be said about the issue given that it comes at a time when Cameroonian football is in the grip of a recession and the fight against corruption continues to be waged here and there. Now that most have spoken and the room is now silent, let’s run that Iya tape again and see what has been left unsaid or said without vehemence. Without belabouring the point, let’s explore the Iya saga otherwise, using questions.

1)      What has become of the principle of presumption of innocence that was recently officially enshrined in our criminal law system with the promulgation of the criminal procedure code? Take a listen to some and you’d think Mr Iya Mohammed has already had his day in court and has failed to prove his innocence? The last time I checked he was mainly being held for questioning? We’re not his lawyers but we’re just saying.

2)      What alternative do we have in case Mr Iya Mohammed is ultimately disqualified from running for the presidency of FECAFOOT? His two challengers, Mr John B. Ndeh and Marlene Emvoutou, have yet to convince the Cameroonian public that their respective visions can reboot and sustainably revive our ailing football structure. Marlen Emvoutou has allegedly promised to put in a billion CFAF but will that halt the Lions' decline and get out local league on the fast track to professionalisation? Mr John B. Ndeh apparently has a website with his vision, but his site doesn’t talk and isn’t he supposed to take his message to Cameroonians and not the other way round? (We know only regional FECAFOOT delegates vote but the Cameroonian public, underwriters of FECAFOOT’s activities, deserve some wooing at the very least). These challengers have yet to show that they’ll be any better than Mr Iya Mohammed, so decried and so isolated when the going gets a tough.

3)      Why has Mr Iya Mohammed become the villain all of a sudden? Is it because he is guilty of managerial impropriety or is it because our much-beloved Lions can no longer catch any prey and as usual we need someone credible enough to take the blame? We’re just asking because when the Lions outroared the Teranga Lions in 2002 and clipped the wings of the Super Eagles in 2000 in Lagos, Iya could do no wrong. Or is it because we just want to exit the Northerner and get our own guy in?

The fight against corruption should be waged unrelentingly, given. But in an attempt to quench the thirst of the Cameroonian public, let's remember: Iya Mohammed is innocent until proven guilty after a free and fair trail; if he can't bid for FECAFOOT's presidency, we should make sure his successor performs better than he did. Should these considerations be swept aside in the current battle for the helm of FECAFOOT then we may not be any better off even after we finally fail to qualify for all the competitions we are aiming for.