Like a genuine addict, I got up and logged in to facebook
one recent morning for my daily fix of banter, news, attention-seeking slogans,
gossip, like solicitations, unsolicited ads and pornish visual content and
surprises; and oh surprised I was. I stumbled upon this post from a male friend:
‘Ladies!!! Your
boyfriend should not be your source of income or inherit the responsibilities
of your parents. It's a relationship and not a job opportunity!!!’
That
far, the post had already left a left trail of comments and reactions in its
wake; elicited likes, almost unanimously from guys, and reproaches from girl
folk, generally that is. I joined the queue, quickly and sincerely liking the
post, not on a guy loyalty or macho esprit de corps level but because the post
resonated deeply with me since I once dated a girl who left me with the
impression I was supposed to be her parents, underwriting her needs and whims. Fortunately
I evaded this unscathed and only dogged by a few questions I have been trying
to answer ever since.
Why are women
always needy?
Show me a woman who doesn’t something at any point in time
and I’ll show you a rat that can fly. No matter how hard they try, women always
need something, be it material and immaterial. As humans we all have needs that
have to be satisfied but the situation with women seems very different as they
always need something especially when you happen to be amorally tethered to
them. After several attempts to solve this great unsolved timeless mystery, I
can now sincerely shout eureka, eureka because I have truly found the answer
and here it is: Women know how to
increase their needs. Let me explain. Our humanity and membership in a
consumer society confers a certain load of both material and immaterial needs
on us but women have increased their load of needs by being impressionable and
greedy, generally speaking that is. The ensuing enumeration expresses this fact
better:
1-
Women
have eye brows but shave it to buy eye pencils or I don’t know what?
2-
Women
have eye lids but buy fake ones to add.
3-
Women
have and can use natural hair but buy human and fake hair.
4-
Women
can sure bath with normal soap but must buy special soap.
The above needs don’t come cheap and given the hard times as
well as high employment you now see why women are always needy. It is
practically speaking self-inflicted.
What do women (not)
want?
Current and loyal viewers of MNET should have seen this add.
It starts with a presentation of the second law of motion before moving to the
speed of light. It then ends with an attempted mathematical explanation of what
women want. This wild goose chase ends with the phase, “The equation remains unsolved”, delivered in an endearing French
accent. The question of what women want is so etched into popular contemporary folk
that has become a cliché. It is worth pointing out however that question is very
omnipresent in masculine chronicles of their encounters with the feminine kind.
Personally, I think current realities should dictate a review and restructuring
of this question which should now read what
do women not want. The answer in my opinion is that women want everything.Women want a guy who doesn’t like sports, who doesn’t hang
out with his friends, who says yes to her every whim, who always compliments even
if reality demands the contrary, who opens the door, who flatters her, who
always consults her, who cuddles after sex, who makes up the bed, who always
pays the bill, guys who can read their minds, guys who like watching chick
flicks etccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc. Women want everything basically and
it’s exhausting to be in their lives when they're in this mood.
All of this has left me with one big question: what happened
to feminism, empowerment and associated stuff?
What happened to
feminism, empowerment and associated stuff?
Feminism and offspring like women empowerment, equality etc,
correct me if am wrong, were supposed to give birth to a new breed of women,
strong, independent and assertive; a specie not afraid to defy, upset and
restructure not just the morphology but also the etymology of traditionalist
definitions of women as ever dependent extensions of men. That was the plan
anyway. However I can say from experience that either positive feminist values
like independence have not been served to some African ladies or a heavily diluted
(should the word not be polluted?) version has been infused into their
intellectual diet otherwise how can you explain the still deeply
monodimensional view of relationships by African ladies. Hear one who reacted
to the post quoted above
‘‘…let
me ask u a simple question; what is ur role as a boyfriend??it is only when u
will answa me dat I will say wat I av to say!!’.
This is a joke compared to the aberration that comes next,
‘Its
depends on the society. In Cameroon, young girls don't have jobs, and their
parents are poor. They rely on their boyfriends to buy clothes, shoes, make
ups, Indian hair and so on. (Name
withheld), do u think if young girls got jobs they will depend on men?
These views belong to degree-holding ladies and not primary
school deprived women. Something really bad surely happened either to the
dissemination, definition or practice, and even all, of feminism and women
empowerment amongst African women folk. Who will change this? Positive feminism
has made huge inroads in Africa but not necessarily where it is needed the
most: girls’ minds.
P/S: I know there is that one lady who will brush this post
away as nothing more than the outburst of a stingy jilted discontented
boyfriend. We are all entitled to an opinion. In this world of human rights,
opinions have become cheap and affordable. That said, let me state here that no
guy, as least not a sensible one, wants to be tied amorously or matrimonially
to a perpetually dependent and need women, not because of stinginess (our male
egos swell disproportionately each time we offer our women something) but
because of the following: relationships are partnerships, this dependent mental
configuration surreptitiously perpetuates antifeminist mantras like feminine
subservience; remember the saying ‘he who pays the piper dictates the tune’.
Once again, guys enjoy splurging on the women in their lives; but going forward
we don’t want to feel like cows bred only for their milk. More so, in the
absence of the omnipotent father, what will the children become with an acutely
dependent mother? Just saying.
