Wednesday, October 23, 2013

What do women (not) want?


Like a genuine addict, I got up and logged in to facebook one recent morning for my daily fix of banter, news, attention-seeking slogans, gossip, like solicitations, unsolicited ads and pornish visual content and surprises; and oh surprised I was. I stumbled upon this post from a male friend: 
      ‘Ladies!!! Your boyfriend should not be your source of income or inherit the responsibilities of your parents. It's a relationship and not a job opportunity!!! 
That far, the post had already left a left trail of comments and reactions in its wake; elicited likes, almost unanimously from guys, and reproaches from girl folk, generally that is. I joined the queue, quickly and sincerely liking the post, not on a guy loyalty or macho esprit de corps level but because the post resonated deeply with me since I once dated a girl who left me with the impression I was supposed to be her parents, underwriting her needs and whims. Fortunately I evaded this unscathed and only dogged by a few questions I have been trying to answer ever since.

Why are women always needy?

Show me a woman who doesn’t something at any point in time and I’ll show you a rat that can fly. No matter how hard they try, women always need something, be it material and immaterial. As humans we all have needs that have to be satisfied but the situation with women seems very different as they always need something especially when you happen to be amorally tethered to them. After several attempts to solve this great unsolved timeless mystery, I can now sincerely shout eureka, eureka because I have truly found the answer and here it is: Women know how to increase their needs. Let me explain. Our humanity and membership in a consumer society confers a certain load of both material and immaterial needs on us but women have increased their load of needs by being impressionable and greedy, generally speaking that is. The ensuing enumeration expresses this fact better:

1-      Women have eye brows but shave it to buy eye pencils or I don’t know what?
2-      Women have eye lids but buy fake ones to add.
3-      Women have and can use natural hair but buy human and fake hair.
4-      Women can sure bath with normal soap but must buy special soap.
The above needs don’t come cheap and given the hard times as well as high employment you now see why women are always needy. It is practically speaking self-inflicted.

What do women (not) want?

Current and loyal viewers of MNET should have seen this add. It starts with a presentation of the second law of motion before moving to the speed of light. It then ends with an attempted mathematical explanation of what women want. This wild goose chase ends with the phase, “The equation remains unsolved”, delivered in an endearing French accent. The question of what women want is so etched into popular contemporary folk that has become a cliché. It is worth pointing out however that question is very omnipresent in masculine chronicles of their encounters with the feminine kind. Personally, I think current realities should dictate a review and restructuring of this question which should now read what do women not want. The answer in my opinion is that women want everything.Women want a guy who doesn’t like sports, who doesn’t hang out with his friends, who says yes to her every whim, who always compliments even if reality demands the contrary, who opens the door, who flatters her, who always consults her, who cuddles after sex, who makes up the bed, who always pays the bill, guys who can read their minds, guys who like watching chick flicks etccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc. Women want everything basically and it’s exhausting to be in their lives when they're in this mood.

All of this has left me with one big question: what happened to feminism, empowerment and associated stuff?

What happened to feminism, empowerment and associated stuff?

Feminism and offspring like women empowerment, equality etc, correct me if am wrong, were supposed to give birth to a new breed of women, strong, independent and assertive; a specie not afraid to defy, upset and restructure not just the morphology but also the etymology of traditionalist definitions of women as ever dependent extensions of men. That was the plan anyway. However I can say from experience that either positive feminist values like independence have not been served to some African ladies or a heavily diluted (should the word not be polluted?) version has been infused into their intellectual diet otherwise how can you explain the still deeply monodimensional view of relationships by African ladies. Hear one who reacted to the post quoted above
‘‘…let me ask u a simple question; what is ur role as a boyfriend??it is only when u will answa me dat I will say wat I av to say!!’.
This is a joke compared to the aberration that comes next,
‘Its depends on the society. In Cameroon, young girls don't have jobs, and their parents are poor. They rely on their boyfriends to buy clothes, shoes, make ups, Indian hair and so on. (Name withheld), do u think if young girls got jobs they will depend on men?
These views belong to degree-holding ladies and not primary school deprived women. Something really bad surely happened either to the dissemination, definition or practice, and even all, of feminism and women empowerment amongst African women folk. Who will change this? Positive feminism has made huge inroads in Africa but not necessarily where it is needed the most: girls’ minds.

P/S: I know there is that one lady who will brush this post away as nothing more than the outburst of a stingy jilted discontented boyfriend. We are all entitled to an opinion. In this world of human rights, opinions have become cheap and affordable. That said, let me state here that no guy, as least not a sensible one, wants to be tied amorously or matrimonially to a perpetually dependent and need women, not because of stinginess (our male egos swell disproportionately each time we offer our women something) but because of the following: relationships are partnerships, this dependent mental configuration surreptitiously perpetuates antifeminist mantras like feminine subservience; remember the saying ‘he who pays the piper dictates the tune’. Once again, guys enjoy splurging on the women in their lives; but going forward we don’t want to feel like cows bred only for their milk. More so, in the absence of the omnipotent father, what will the children become with an acutely dependent mother? Just saying.





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