Na who dong ever brain ngah for contritok?

Let's get this out of the way before we proceed. The word 'Brain' in pidgin simply means convincing a girl to be your girlfriend. In English, the definition would be courting a girl. Now back to business. At a time when African governments have suddenly decided to promote our African languages - dialect or patois to some people but we'll call it mother tongue - , it is interesting to appreciate the level of use of these African languages by African youths. In this layman research endeavour, our research questions are rather simple and straightforward. 1- This far, how often do those of us who have the privilege of speaking our mother tongues use them to do things daily? 2 -How important, in our opinion, are  these languages going to be in helping us unlock situations in our 21st century lives? Talk of a situation, I think of meeting a hot girl. Talk of doing something daily with Limbum, my mother tongue, I think of 'braining' this hot girl. So this is my question to all the guys, 'How often have you used your mother tongue to 'brain' a girl' or 'girls'? Have you even ever 'brained' a girl in your mother tongue? The above two questions are also directed to the ladies? To all, how did that feel like? To guys,was it easier or harder than in English or French? To girls, did it feel strange or normal to be 'brained' in that tongue? As a member of the sample,this writer can say this. Despite his good grasp of his mother tongue, he has never 'brained' a girl in that language. The few times he has wanted to, it has been so strange and augured failure so evidently that he gave up a few thoughts before the first words could pop from his mouth. Don't get me wrong. Granting greater prominence to African languages via institutionalization is a laudable initiative. But it is worth pointing out that language is a living and dynamic thing that can only be kept alive through use in writing and speech, most importantly - look at pidgin . So as African States set about setting the stage for indigenous languages to gain greater prominence, thought must be given to ways and means of making the target audience actually use them to do things, other than 'braining', so that this move can free itself of the window-dressing sentiment it has engendered.

Find true love today - in Essos

The day is Saturday 27 April 2013, at around 8: 30 p.m. to be precise. I am at a cybercafe in Muea, trying to pen a new piece for my fledgling blog. I am not looking but when my eyes wander away from my laptop, I stumble on a kid sitting opposite me. I see he has landed on a famous dating website with Afro and introduction - in the plural form - in its name. I am no magician but I can attest to the veracity of two things. 1- this kid is not more than 15. 2 - he is creating his PROFILE on an ADULT dating site. The ad line for the site is 'FIND TRUE LOVE TODAY'. 

                Internet dating is an increasing phenomenon that has its admirers and enemies. The idea of brewing a sincere, pure and serious relationship with another person through a virtual interface appeals to the very cautious as well as the very lecherous and even perverse: pedophiles and co. Notwithstanding general arguments for or against, the appropriateness of internet dating just like face-to-face over dinner dating depends on each and everyone. However since minors are yet to be fully - capacited persons in the eyes of society, it goes without saying that internet dating isn't for them under any circumstance whatsoever because dating is a science still to be fully understood and mastered even by adults. Adults, no matter how cautious they be, have been used and dumped literally and metaphorically by persons they stumbled upon online. Cyber relationship hunting just like general internet use needs some amount of wisdom and discernment to be able to squeeze the best and highest quantity of juice from it.

          One argument that has become the bread and butter of some anti-internet dating advocates is the fact that it is unnatural. But to this one can respond that if every generation eats, breathes and thinks in sync with their time, why should dating be any different? When letters were at the top of the chats, those then dated via letters, becoming exquisite prose poets in the process. Before phones, some people dated through word of mouth sent through others. The list here is incomplete. Bottomline, every generation irrespective of the dangers dates with the tools provided by their time. They do so within the confines of existing conventions.

       So it's sometime in August 2010. Someone is about to go on internship. He has been chatting with this lady on one of these formerly - popular social media sites. Their relationship has blossomed to the point where they have exchanged numbers and promised to hook up when he gets to Yaounde. Upon arrival in the capital city of Cameroon, he calls her and they arrange to meet - in ESSOS - over the weekend. Though a complete stranger in town, he summons the adventurer and man in him to get to Essos, with the help of directions from unsuspecting friends. He gets there and after calling the girl, he is told to wait at the petrol station. Ever Mr I-hate-surprises, he places himself somewhere other than at the petrol station. He puts his phone on vibration and sets his eyes prowling around while he tries to call the  number. Suddenly, he sees two ladies hurrying up the road, in the direction of the station. He identifies his internet date as one of the ladies. The other lady is ,he won't say fat, big boned and voluptuous. She actually looks like someone who can drink a crate of Guinness, he thinks. He remembers he prepared only the now - small sum of 5,000 CFA Francs for this date. What does he do? He decides to bails out. He returns to the petrol station as rain starts falling. He can see his date and her 'governess',  or 'chaperon' if you like', frantic as they call him on phone. His phone is vibrating constantly like a vibrator but he won't answer. The rain ceases and he hails a cab, jumps in and flees the scene.

     That is internet dating. You never know what you bargain for virtually. It's an adventure so always tighten your seatbelt. You can try it if you want to find true love today in Essos.

        

Tolerant for fear of being 'Homophobic'

It's around 8:00 p.m. one fine evening in Buea and I am having drinks with some acquaintances, one of them happens to be a bushfaller in caps - he has just returned from Germany after more than 20 years of uninterrupted residency. As the night drags on, homosexuality suddenly sneaks into our conversation and the 'German' asks for my stand on homosexuality. 'How do you feel about homosexuals, Melvin'?, he asks me, this is the beginning of a protracted exchange on the issue. But by and large, I tell him I don't care what people are when they are tucked away in private. He charges further, 'Do you think homosexuals should be allowed to kiss and hug in public?', and I quickly retort no. He rules, 'Then you're not tolerant as you claim'. A cold but true fact. As Africans in the global village, homosexuality is one issue that has and will continue to oppose us with ourselves, acquaintances and the Western world. It is an issue that confounds and bugs us. Individually most of us Africans - me included- are uncomfortable with it or its decriminalisation and normalisation. Our reasons range from its un-Africanness and  sacrilegiousness to its unnaturalness. To us, homosexuality is fundamentally not African, and smacks more of another Western import being forced past our shores into the fabric of our society. Beware, this is no pro-gay piece, or anti for that matter! But when the African in me is done justifying his stand, one question persists, are homosexuals born this way? I think yes. If so, are we not repressing the irrepressible with our anti-gay postures? As members of the world community and constant solicitors and receivers of Western aid, this is an issue we will increasingly be confronted with as there has been talk of adding better emancipation for homosexuals to the list of preconditions for receiving foreign aid. Beyond this wider multilateral dimension, we Africans must individually gauge our stand from a human perspective less we be taken unawares by our own bushfaller. So ask yourself, are you pro or anti? Personally, as a human being who is conscious of the pain borne of  rejection and being ostracised, I am not homophobic. I am tolerant not because I am comfortable with that reality. I am tolerant because I don't want to be homophobic = a hater of other human beings whose sexual orientation just happens to be in the minority.

Why some guys are scared of putting a ring on IT

I am 27, and some would say has reached and even passed the ripe old age of marriage. This is a platitude just as much as it is a fact. In our African setting, when one hits puberty, gets varsity education and can fend for his/herself, the question of marriage inevitably surfaces either within or without family circles. While unemployment can delay the advent of this question for guys, it does the contrary for girls: they are pressed hard and constantly by family, society, their now famous 'biological clock', and a general lack of assertiveness, to scroll through their options, lock down on a target and get him put a ring on it. Contrary to popular opinion, female mostly, guys won't mind getting married, settling down, having someone to talk and bla bla bla. Guys love that so why the ambient reticence and even fear? Why are some guys so scared of marriage. The reasons are many and plenty. Apart from our protracted unemployment status and our inability to provide girls' dream wedding, and not necessarily marriage, our supposedly immunity from age, increasing divorce rates, we are scared of marriage simply because we don't want to be targets. Conversations with ladies leave you with the distinct impression that we guys have become objectives. In order words, ladies no longer see us as life companions but as their way out of want, spinsterhood and society's ridicule. This expectation heaps loads and loads of expectation on guys and we become lifelong ambitions for girls. So where does this leave us, guys? This leaves us feeling more like finishing lines that are left behind one's crossed. No guy wants to hook up for life with a girl who said yes because she was fleeing society's ridicule or just wanted to be Mrs Somebody. Guys will gladly marry so long as the lady in question is walking down the aisle ONLY because she has voluntarily decided to.

Guys, girls, sex and the Banana myth.....

Satisfying your woman is a major concern for the macho in every guy. The fear of falling short - no pun intended on short - has fueled a battery of myths and legends about what guys can do to make up for any shortcoming in this department. If this was all this phobia had given birth to then no one would be complaining. But most unfortunately, this situation has also given rise to a series of myths about WHAT guys can TAKE to better their output. What is the problem with this? In this battle of male ego pampering, the purity of certain items has been tainted. Banana for one has acquired the status of sex supplement, almost on the same level as the blue pill. When a guy buys bananas  or is seen eating one, he  is greeted with the question of  whether he is loading his 'gun'. In fact the question he is often asked is, 'Do you have a war?'. This is an illustration of the centrality of guy's input in the intimacy ritual sex is. But wait a minute, where are girls in all this? Or has sex become an asexual act? Or maybe it is another platform for for the validation of the male superiority complex, and by ricochet an affirmation of the female inferiority complex in this intensely feminist age? A straight out indication of the miles feminist still have to go? Just saying. To be a woman is definitely not a day's job, but to be a man, especially in this machocentric world and when sex is concerned, is, to say the least, not a week's work. Come on ladies, cut us some slack. Help us make sex, or love if you're...., a tango and not just an act where we, guys, must perform or else be forever emasculated. The banana we need could very well just be more decided involvement from you, LADIES. Thanks.